Ben’s Death: Realizations and Survival Tips
July 18th, 2018
Realizing Stuff
The thing is, no matter what I do, Ben isn’t coming back. No matter how brave and courageous I am in chasing my dreams. No matter how great my bridal shower is. No matter how great my wedding is. No matter how great my marriage is. No matter how great my life is. Nothing is going to bring him back.
This stark realization hits me so powerfully every time like I’ve never been this hurt before. But I have been this hurt before; over and over each time I realize Ben’s not here and isn’t coming back.
I never understood this before Ben died. How people mourn for so long and can get so, so deeply sad so far out. I’d be standing over in the corner thinking, “It’s been 10 years, how are you still so shook up like it happened yesterday?
And now, I get it.
I understand that each time I have a realization session and am reminded Ben is gone, it feels like losing him for the first time over and over again. Because I cannot fathom that he is dead. That he has been for almost 4 years. That reality is so inconceivable that it feels brand new each time my mind grasps the concept. And when I do, it is so gut wrenchingly devastating that I never want to feel it again. So I don’t for a long time.
Balancing grieving and living a pleasant daily life is no easy task, to say the least. I go through times where I do really well journaling and writing and then I can go for months not realizing how much I am avoiding Ben’s death. I feel like time has helped me grow and learn different ways to cope with Ben’s death, but that sting is still there.
Survival Tips
When we ignore our loved one’s death, consciously or subconsciously, in hopes that it will go away, we are not doing anyone any favors. Not ourselves or our families or our friends. The hardest thing for me to do in grieving Ben’s death is allow my feelings as they come. Because they have the worst timing. Right before work. During a really happy family gathering. Out of friggen nowhere when I am not prepared.
As I continue to work through Ben’s death, I am getting better at realizing when my feelings bubble to the surface and are ready to be felt. Honoring and feeling our feelings allows us to feel and then release them instead of constantly holding on to the same feeling and not moving forward on our grief journey.
As I continue to do my best on my grief journey, I am over here thinking about all of the people in my community and around the world doing the same. I am sending all my love and light to you and I’m over here cheering you on. Because we can do the hard things. It’s just a little easier when we know we are doing them together.
If you’re passionate about mental health and are interested in partnering with me to open up the tough conversation and remove stigma around it, check out my freelance services page for information on how we can work together to help normalize the mental health conversation and make a positive change in someone’s life.
Xoxo,
C
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